I said what I had to say and I believed it. We were both having a bad time, worse than when we were recording BOAPS, and we found each other, but was it only as a source of comfort? I don’t think so. Well, I don’t know, but it felt so… so right wrapped up in his arms, so right having him near me… so right. But he was my best friend, why do I feel this way? And Nat… what she said… did she mean it?
"Natalie…" I whispered. Another tear escaped my eyes. I felt him rub my back encouragingly, comfortingly. The more I thought about it, the more I realized I might never see my kids again. Hannah, beautiful Hannah… Lyle, he looks so much like me… I might never see them again.
"Hannah… Lyle…" I moaned and my knees gave way. I began to cry again. Steve was there… he would comfort me.
"Shh… you won’t lose them…" he told me quietly. He kneeled down and leaned me up against the wall. I shook my head, leaned into him, and curled up beside him. He lent me a shoulder to cry on. It took me almost an hour to stop, and Steve stayed there the whole time. He waited until I was done to get up to use the bathroom. I got up; crying had worn me out since I had a headache. Getting up, I stumbled to the counter and scooped all the pills back into the bottle, popped two in my mouth, and chugged some water. Then, I turned the tap on full blast and stuck my head under, getting it nice and wet and turning off the tap. I pulled back and stared at my reflection in the window. It was a man looking back; black hair, blue eyes… worry and confusion on his face, sadness. Today… we have a gig later. Better practice a decent grin, I thought, turning around. I ran into Steve and jumped about two feet in the air. He grinned at me.
"A little jumpy are we, Robertson?" he asked, shuffling a little closer. His lips were close and so voluptuous, I just wanted to kiss him so badly… I had to. He shuffled closer. It was a good thing the curtains to the drivers seat were closed. He put both hands on my hips and a let out a small moan at the light feeling of them. I leaned back, his hands holding me still… and I knew his hands were good at other things… I shivered at the memory. He walked forward some more, his hands slowly sliding around my waist and pulling me close. I took my own arms and wrapped them around him, pulling us so close together our noses touched.
"Kiss me…" I whispered so softly I could barely hear myself. His deep brown puppy dog eyes stared into my icy blues. His full lips met mine. I drew in a quick breath at the feel of him. He broke contact when we heard the familiar Mozart tune. I knew it would be Carolyn.
"Steve… it’s going to be Carolyn. It’s not a good idea…" I told him as he went to get it.
"It might be Fin," he replied. I made him sit down just in case.
"Hello, Carolyn…" Steve sighed. Let the fight commence.
"Carolyn, you… you must be joking…" he whimpered, "Can’t we work this out? I… no, I… but… I understand that Natalie told Ed that… No, Carolyn you don’t mean it, you can’t mean it… I’ll call you later, bye." And he hung his cell up. I looked for an explanation.
"What is it, Steve?" I asked him anxiously and I squeezed his knee affectionately. He looked up sniffing.
"Carolyn says that if I don’t… if I don’t do anything about this after the tour’s over, she wants to find a new place to live… away from me," he replied, brushing his red blood shot eyes. Out wives must be bent on the destruction of the band, but I didn’t bother telling Steve that; it may make things worse.
"My eyes are dry, but they’re blood shot…" muttered Steve, getting up to get some Kleenex he kept in his bunk.
"HEY STEVE! Let’s write about a guy that lives in a cheesy soap opera!" I called from the couch. I heard him chuckle from his bunk then he blew his nose loudly, causing me to jump. I was jumpy today.
"Too much coke," I told myself. Oh… we’re stopping soon. Ok, get your stuff. I got up and wandered into the bunk area where Steve was packing his stuff. I grinned and fished around for my stuff, selecting the maroon tour shirt, boxers, and an assortment of other shirts, jeans and socks. Grabbing my coat, I walked out of the small area and threw down my duffel bag. I fished around in the fridge for a coke. The bus stopped at a red light and I jumped… Maybe not. I went back to my bunk to see if I had packed my Gameboy. My cell phone rang a second later; I had almost forgot to pack it.
"Hello?" I asked, prepared for more Natalie threats.
"Hi, it’s Fin. It’s your turn to pick who you room with," said Fin.
"Oh… umm… Steve I guess," I said, looking over at him. He looked at me with his big brown eyes and I felt the sudden desire to make soup.
"Ed? Ed are you there?" asked Fin.
"Oh… yea I am. Just spaced for a minute," I replied, shaking my head.
"Oookaay... Where does Steve want to eat?"
"Steve! Where ya wanna eat?" I asked of him.
"Somewhere close," he replied. I reported him this.
"Oh… hotel restaurant then?" Fin asked. I reported this to Steve.
"He says yea, why not?" I said to Fin and discovering a rubber ball.
"Ok, see you at the hotel!" he said, hanging up. About fifteen minutes later, the bus stopped at the hotel and we got out.
"JIMMY C!" called Steve, running up to him. I wondered if I was the only one that could see the obvious pain in his eyes. I guess so. The lobby was cool in contrast to the hot summer afternoon outside.
"What time is it?" asked Tyler, playing air drums while we walked.
"Only 12:16," Steve replied.
"Steve, what time did you wake me up?" I asked dodging a pair of over active five-year-olds. The memory of how he woke me up sent a shiver of delight through me.
"Ask Kevin when he woke me up," he replied, most obviously remembering too.
"Kev?" I asked, looking at him.
"Oh, about 7:19," he replied. That explains why I’m jumpy. Fin proceeded to the registration desk a second later.
"Hello, may I please have the keys for Page/Robertson, Creeggan/Hearn and Stewart/Finley?" he asked politely. My cell phone rang a second later.
"Hello?" I asked, trying to do up my duffel beg with my left hand.
"Hello, Ed. Carolyn just called," came the reply. My eyes must have gone all weird since Steve was staring at me, then he grabbed our key and rushed me to the elevator.
"Hi, Nat…" I said, voice cracking. Steve had me in the elevator a second later and was trying to get it to go faster.
"Hi. Carolyn called about her conversation with Steve… I agree with her logic. Bye." And she hung up. At least she didn’t shout. I hung up too. And maybe the band wouldn’t break up either. Steve rushed me into the room, threw my bag down, and made me sit down.
"She wasn’t mean, just blunt," I said softly.
"Pardon?" asked Steve, getting in front of me.
"Nothing," I replied getting up. But perhaps too quickly; I got a sudden head rush and fell down, hitting my head on Steve’s bed frame.
"OW! FUCK!" I yelled, rolling on the ground.
"Ed!" he cried, kneeling down beside me. Everything was blurry. Did I hit my head that hard? I wiped my eye with one thumb and everything came clearer. Tears of what? Pain? What pain? I wondered, moving to get up. A sudden pain jolted through me, stopping at my head.
"Ohh… I hit my head?" I asked stupidly.
"Umm… yeah, you did. I don’t think you should move," said Steve, reaching for his cell phone (probably to call Fin).
"They might cancel the show. I’m alright, really I am," I said, trying to get up, but falling back down. It hurt so much to move.
"You might have a concussion. Don’t move or I might have to punish you," he said, grinning at me. I should move just to get punished… Naw, maybe not. After he spoke to Fin, I started to count down from five. Steve looked at me as if I were crazy; perhaps I was.
"Five… four… three… two… one…" I said, never moving from where I was. At that second, Fin burst into the room.
"Where is he? Is he ok?" asked Fin looking around.
"You’re not going to cancel the show are you?" I wondered, stupidly. Perhaps I hit my head harder than I thought.
"You may have a concussion. We’ll keep you here tonight and postpone the show, and then get you checked up in the morning. How’s that?" he asked me.
"Ok…" I said, slowly. Everything was fading…
"Ed? Are you ok?" asked Steve, poking me in the stomach.
"Wha?" I asked, before passing out.
I watched Ed who appeared sort of dazed then his eyes turned misty and he slumped back passing out.
"Look’s like he fainted, Fin." I declared.
"Oh… ya think?" he snapped, "I’ll get Tiny and you two can put him in his bed." And he left the room.
What to do? I wondered. It might be best to get him out of his clothes. Then he might be little more comfortable. The second I placed my hand over the button of his jeans, I knew I couldn’t. Oh well… At least they wouldn’t see if I kissed him. I leaned forward and kissed his lips lightly. Too bad he's unconscious; it would be nice to have him kiss me back.
"Mmm… thanks for the wake up call," said a voice the second I pulled my head away. In fact, I had just broken contact with it.
"Ed?" I asked, getting up.
"Mmm-hmm it’s me. And be in no hurry to leave please."
"Huh? Oh I see." I laid down beside him. Ed reached over with one hand clasping mine in his. Then I felt the presence of his usual impish grin.
"Are… no… were you going to undress me?" asked Ed, turning his head and wincing.
"I was…" I began shuffling closer and leaning in kissing him softly. He shivered and tried not to move. When I pulled back he slurred out a couple of words.
"I caaaaaan’t see well sorry but me gooo nap nap again…" and he passed out again. I heard a knock at the door and got up to answer it. Tiny stood outside.
"Where’s Ed?" asked Tiny, walking in. Despite the name, Tiny is far from tiny; he’s bigger than Tyler is.
"Right here," I said, pointing at the slumped guitarist. We picked him up,=; Tiny taking his legs and me taking Ed’s arms. After laying him on the bed and pulling the sheets to his waist, Tiny said good-bye and left. Which left me with nothing to do, but I was hungry, so I dialed room service.
"Hello?" came the voice on the other line.
"Hello. I would like to order two cheese burgers, with no pickles on one of them, and french-fries on the side and a coke and rum and a plain coke." I said, trying not to mess up.
"Ok, what room please sir?"
"Oh… room 169," I said, trying not to laugh at the number.
"It’ll be up there in about fifteen minutes. Thank you."
"No, thank you." And I hung up. Rolling my eyes, I fished about for some lounging clothes or whatever, and settled for boxers and a T-shirt. Ed lay motionless on his bed, and it took a lot not to redial room service and order soup for when he woke up; he looked so helpless. I settled back, waited for the food to come, and turned on the TV. I channel surfed until I came across a decent movie. I looked over at Ed and wondered when he’d get up. Then I heard familiar sleep mumbling from Ed. This should be interesting...
"I never- nope. Steve…" he mumbled, turning a little in his sleep. I shot my eyebrows up and wondered what he was dreaming about. Then I heard a distinct ‘mmmm’ sound and he got a big grin on his face. Now I knew what he was dreaming about. Should I wake him up or listen in a little while longer? Then a knock came from the door; the food was here. I rolled off the bed and grabbed my wallet, heading for the door. I opened it, tipped the boy, handed him the money, and took the cart in the room. I couldn’t stand bellboys, but this one wasn’t a fan and didn’t know who I was.
"Ed… wake up Ed," I said, tapping his forehead. His food was here, and so was mine. He had to wake up.
"Ed… Get up. I don’t need to kiss you to get you up again do I?" I asked of him. His eyes fluttered a little and I heard a reply.
"It would be the least you could do, considering you woke me from a very nice dream," he said, grinning.
"Naw, I ordered you food. Cheese burger with no pickles and fries with a plain coke," I said.
"Ok, ok." And he got up into a sitting position. "Best I can do; I don’t trust myself enough to walk," he said, and leaned forward. He winced, pulling the tray closer to the bed. We sat eating mostly in silence and watching the movie I found.
"Are you ok?" I asked, attacking my burger. He took a swig of coke before replying.
"I think so. If I don’t move, it doesn’t hurt. I need an aspirin. Can I bother you to get a couple?" he asked of me.
"Think so. Be right back." I got up to go get it. Walking back from the bathroom, I saw he had finished off his food and was trying to steal a french-fry.
"HEY! Little thief!" I said, placing his aspirin down and slapping Ed's hand.
"I’ve been bad, haven’t I?" he asked, shoving the fry in his mouth. His lovely mouth that could do much, much more than sing... I shivered and sat down.
"I know what you’re thinking, I bet!" he said, looking over at me.
"What am I thinking?" I asked, looking over at him. He grinned and turned back to the movie, licking his lips. Okay, so he did know. Big deal. It still made me hard, though. I couldn’t concentrate on the movie for the rest of it. It was just that Ed was so near… so close and how I wanted to hold him...
At two in the morning, we were going around watching any movie we came across (even Pretty Woman). We got tired and were about to go to sleep. At least, I was, since I didn’t know what Ed was going to do, but he made an excuse of sleeping. I found out what he was really going to do a minute later. I pretended I was asleep to see if Ed did, and I found an interesting surprise. Ed slowly got up and walked to his duffel bag on the floor and fished through it for a second before slowly getting back up and lying down. I couldn’t see what it was since it was so dark, but it was obviously a picture. 'A picture of what?' was the question. I heard Ed whisper softly and trace his fingers down it. The whisper was my own name. The second I saw his hand disappear under his sheets and him throw his head back, moaning my name softly, my eyes widened. I tried to stifle my gasp of surprise and arousal, but no avail.
"Steve? Are you still awake?" asked Ed, removing his hand. I sat up and nodded. Ed cocked his head to one side and said:
"What?" I asked quietly.
"The pills took my headache away, come sit with me," he said slowly. I got up and sat beside him.
"What?" I asked, knowing full and well what. He showed me the picture. It was of us together, that weird one where we’re close together and smiling. I stared at it fondly. It was funny looking and it had us close together… like we were right now.
"I didn’t know you had kept this picture, Ed."
"I did. I requested that I wanted to keep this for the paper it was going to be in, and he gave me a copy. I thought it was cute." He didn’t say anymore, but I had a feeling I knew what he was going to use it for. Although he wasn’t going to admit that any time soon... I couldn’t see much; I had left my glasses on the bedside table and everything was a little blurry and dark. Then, from out of no where, I was kissed on the neck. I turned and leaned forward to see if I could kiss any part of Ed, any part at all. I found his cheek; my aim was off, I was hoping for his mouth. I moved a little and found it. I kissed him softly and opened my mouth to lick his lips, asking politely for entry. Instead, Ed pulled back.
"I think you need your contacts or glasses, Steven," he whispered. Oh God, he called me Steven. That turned me on so much, I got harder, if possible. I reached back, my hand grasping the square framed glasses, and pulled them on, everything becoming clearer.
"Eddie…" I mumbled, placing one arm around his waist and the other hand on the base of his neck, pulling him closer. My lips found his and I tried again to ask for entry to his mouth. He parted his lips, letting me pass and our tongues began to dance around each other’s. I ran my tongue along his cheek, trying to find the best places for making him aroused. I found one of his hot spots and teased it. He pulled me closer, one arm around my neck and the other hand in my hair, trying to get even closer. His tongue pushed into my mouth and I felt him exploring for my own sensitive places. I hoped we never had to move. The arm I placed around his hip moved absentmindedly down to his boxers. Then, I slid my hand down slowly and I grabbed his ass. This was getting better every second. He pulled back from the kiss and pushed me down and he ran his hands all over my chest, pausing to rub my nipples with his thumb.
"Oh God… Ed…" I moaned when he licked one slightly. He moved to my boxers, rubbing my cock and looking for a reply.
"You like that, Steven?" he asked with his voice barely above a whisper.
"Oh God, yes…" I moaned. He leaned over and kissed me again, softly this time, and began to pull off my boxers. He dropped them on the ground. He pulled his own off and rubbed up against me, kissing my neck. I was too aroused to do anything. I needed to conserve my strength, which was hard enough without just getting up and fucking him. He bit my neck and I moaned deeply, wanting more.
"What was your dream about, Eddie?" I asked him, running my hands all over his back.
"You…" he replied, taking a hold of my swollen member. I groaned. Where was this body worship coming from? Now, it was his turn to be worshiped. It took me a second to find his dick and I began to jerk him slowly. He moaned and whispered in my ear.
"Oh yes… That’s it…" he muttered into my ear. I rolled so that I was on top of him and I began to move faster. He began to sit up whilst I stroked him faster.
"Oh God…" he moaned. Then he said something that made me come.
"Can I find out what else your mouth is good for?" he asked, and began stoking me faster. He kissed me powerfully making sure to test every sensitive spot in my mouth. I came right then, unfortunately, all over his hand. I went bright red and stammered my sorry.
"Nothing ruins the moment like that…" he said, pressing his clean fingers to my lips. I reached for some Kleenex and handed it to him meekly. He grinned and shook his head, wiping off his right hand.
"Careful next time, Steven," he said, looking at me with his usual imp-like grin. At least he wasn’t mad at me. Now to be seductive.
"What did you want me to show you, Eddie?" I whispered into his ear. He dug his fingers into the sheets and I knew not to tease. I kissed his chest, slowly working my way down and stopping at his cock.
"Please…" he whispered softly. I took him in my mouth like he had done to me the night before. I went deep throat and began contracting my throat.
"Oh God… OH GOD! STEVEN!" he cried coming in my mouth.
"You’re welcome, Ed," I replied, licking my lips and swallowing. He laid back down rubbing his head.
"How’s your head?" I asked, lying down beside him and spooning up to him.
"Better… getting sore again. The aspirin is wearing off," he replied. I nodded and took my glasses off, placing them on Ed’s bedside table.
"Night," I said, yawning and kissing his neck one more time.
"Night," he replied, pulling the comforter over our bodies. I fell asleep calm and content.
I woke up next morning alone. Hmm, odd. I looked over and Steve wasn’t there. I looked at his bed and it too was empty. I raised my eyebrows and moved to get up. Sudden pain jolted through me.
"OW!" I cursed, rubbing my head. It was still sore. Memories rushed back from last night… everything. Seeing Steve’s bed empty made me wonder. I snuggled down and my ears detected a strange sound… Someone was moaning. I listened some more… sighing and whispers… It was Steve. I was willing to bet he had the picture with him… very willing. I giggled into my pillow; he almost caught me doing the same thing last night.
"Steve!" called someone from the door. It wasn’t me, but someone started knocking.
"HE’S BUSY!" I yelled and I heard Steve make an almost yelping sound as he heard me yell that out.
"Why, what’s he doing?" asked the voice who I now recognized as Tyler.
"He’s just busy!" I replied, rolling deeper into the sheets to cover my hard on… No need for Tyler to see that. I guess he could come in.
"Come in, Ty. He’s finishing up," I replied and a key scraped the lock and he walked in.
"Hey, Ed. Why are ya still in bed?" he asked, "And are you buck naked? And why is that monster erect?" he asked wide-eyed.
"It’s called a morning hard on, and who cares if I sleep naked? Remember naked time?" I asked. Steve glanced out the bathroom door and grinned slyly. I grinned back and Steve’s head disappeared the second Ty turned to see what I was smiling at.
"What is it?" he asked, looking.
"Steve," I replied, settling back into the bed.
"Well, you’re still awake… Looks like me and Steve can’t talk right now…" Tyler said quietly to a fully dressed Steve. Sudden worry jolted through me… What if… What if Steve didn’t really like me… only Tyler? I sat up quickly and drew some worried stares my way, including some suspicious ones from Ty. A second later, after sitting up, a strange fatigue hit me and I began to mumble about nothing and pulled the covers over my head.
"Wake me again Ty, and you’re dead meat!" I swore. Feeling fatigue settle in with drowsiness, my eyes drooped and started to fall asleep. Maybe Ty made me suddenly sleepy on purpose… I dunno, me tired...
Just push the thought of Steve with Ty to the back of your mind… just ignore it… and I fell into a dreamless sleep.
I woke up and heard muttering. No moans, thank God, just muttering. I never got straight up; I just listened carefully.
"Well… what if he takes it wrong and gets mad? I couldn’t live with that!" exclaimed Steve.
"Come on, Steve. You should tell him, it’s for the best!" Tyler prodded. This was interesting and I was sure that they were talking about me.
"But Ed might get mad at me… certain things right now are very delicate… and I don’t need to see him get mad at anyone right now!"
"But he absolutely needs to know! What if we don’t tell him and he finds out?" Now I was very curious and very sure what was up.
"NO! I won’t, it’ll break his heart," sniffed Steve. Uh-oh, Tyler was hurting my Steve… My Steven. Or at least I thought he was my Steven.
"You have to… C'mon, it’ll be ok. At least we’ll have…" and I never allowed him to finish. I rolled around in my ‘sleep’ and sat up a bit and looked at them.
"What’s the time?" I asked sleepily. Tyler and Steve both had different reactions to my waking up. Steve seemed relieved and grinned while Ty seemed a little put off and angry with me. I decided that if he was trying to steal Steve, my only source of comfort at the moment, he was going to have a rough time.
"Well?" I asked again.
"Oh… it’s ten. Uh, well, I’ll go tell Fin that we can go for breakfast," Tyler replied, heading for the door. I grinned at Steve and was about to get up when I realized I had my second hard on of the day… Looks like I did have some nice dreams. Tyler shut the door and I threw the covers off of me.
"Morning Steven," I said, stretching.
"Morning to you too! I trust you slept well?" he asked.
"Oh yeah, out like a rock." And I got up only to sit back down again; the pain in my head was almost too much to bear.
"Ed? Are you ok?" asked Steve, getting up and sitting beside me.
"Ugh," I grunted as a reply. I wanted to kiss him but… Had those lips met Ty’s? If they had, Steve wouldn’t have kissed my neck that night on the bus. I looked at him. I was only pretending to be happy and cheerful, on the inside my thoughts were in turmoil. He smiled at me in this undeniably sexy way and leaned in to kiss me. I met his lips in a quick kiss and pulled away. I started to get dressed. He seemed dismayed at the amount of time allowed.
"Ed? Is there anything you want to talk about?" he asked, laying his hand on mine. "I mean anything at all."
I thought about it. Did I want to tell him what I’d over heard? I really didn’t know.
"I… No, nothing at all," I replied. I pulled on some boxers and jeans and looked down at Steve. He looked hurt and sad.
"Steve is there anything you want to tell me?" I asked, placing a hand on his shoulder.
"No, Ed. Nothing's wrong," he replied, smiling. I shrugged and pulled on a shirt before turning and walking slowly to the bathroom. I got inside and poked around to see if any "deeds" had been done. Only a cheap porno was there; shoved into the bottom of the trashcan. I never bothered inspecting it. I knew I wouldn’t like what I found. I swallowed some aspirin and messed around with my untidy hair and decided on something.
"One last kiss… then do some thinking," I told myself. Walking out, I saw Steve putting some clothes away. I walked up behind him and I began to spoon with him, wrapping my arms around his waist. I laid my head on his shoulder.
"Hey, Steven?" I asked quietly into his ear.
"Yes?" he asked in reply. I turned his head to look at me and kissed his lips tenderly for one last time before I replied.
"I need to do some thinking," I said calmly. I left for Kevin’s room
and grabbed my jacket. At least I wouldn’t run into Steve or Tyler there.