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Ashamed of My Attraction: Part Two
He couldn't go on with it. Ed continued rolling around in his sheets while Kevin breathed peacefully in the other bed. Did he really like Kevin? Maybe he did all along and he didn't realize until he actually thought about it.
Ed got up quietly and snuck into the bathroom. He splashed his face with cold water and looked at himself in the mirror. He went over the facts in his head.
1.) The idea of Kevin whacking off turned him on.
2.) The idea of
any
of his band mates masturbating technically turned him on.
He splashed himself with water again.
3.) Watching Kevin masturbate made him unbelievably happy.
4.) Watching his other band mates touching themselves would be awkward, but hot.
Ed smiled at his own joke.
5.) Kevin was attracted to him.
Ed grinned grimly at himself in the mirror.
6.) Number 5 made him wince.
Ed splashed himself again. "Come on, this doesn't make any sense!" he grumbled to himself. "Don't I like Kevin? Don't I?"
7.) He would give a million dollars to sleep with Kev.
8.) The idea of sleeping with Kevin turned him on.
9.) He wanted to touch Kevin.
10.) He wanted to be with Kevin.
Ed looked over at the bathroom door. It was securely locked. Ed frowned. "If 10's true, why am I so afraid of going out there to face him?"
11.) He wanted to be with the person who had turned him on so much that night on the bus. "Why does it matter?!" Ed groaned, looking back at himself. "Kevin could do the same thing! Seeing Kevin turned me on so much..." Ed frowned, "But was it because I was associating him with whoever was on the bus?"
12.) Tyler and Jim were straight, Steve was bi as well.
13.) The whacker had to be one of those three.
Ed smacked his head hard against the surface of the sink. He had figured it out. He couldn't look himself in the face, he just couldn't. How could he be so selfish? Why wouldn't he think of Kevin's feelings? Why was this the reason everything was terrible?
14.) He wished it had been Steve.