Somebody to Lean On
by Kellie


This story contains some adult situations and language. I would hesitate to call it erotica, though. Anyway, don't read on if you don't want to hear it.

That should be sufficient, no?

OK -- this is the story that I wrote that was half based on a dream, and half on reality. I just wish the two were reversed.. LOL  Hope you enjoy it.

My breath caught as I exited the warm comfort of the arena and entered the cold dark outer world. Everything outside seemed so drab in comparison, a smacking reminder of the crushing normalcy that my life would return to in the morning. As I trudged around to the back of the arena, I tried not to think about it, and instead focused on squeezing every drop out of this night.

I stood with the mass of people, marveling at their differences. Three teenage girls stood in front of me, loaded down with CD's, posters, shirts and cameras

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. They were being loud and awkward, as most teenagers are. They were so excited and hyper, that I silently wondered if the lack of oxygen to their brains would make them pass out before they could make a scene when the band arrived. There was an older couple off to the side, an "I Love Ed" sign clutched to her side as the man held her close to him for warmth. There were a bunch of young boys, screaming at the security guards to make the band come out, and a mother figure trying earnestly, yet hopelessly to keep them quiet.

Then there were the rest of them. Each unique in their own ways, yet it was easy for me to blend in with them. I lit a cigarette as I realized that I was just another face in the crowd. Sure, I had been in the front row for the past four shows, and a few shows last month as well… but in this crowd that was the rule, not the exception.

There was something different about the way Steve looked at me tonight though… as if he were playing cat and mouse with me. Saying and doing things just to see how I would react. Teasing me and mind fucking me, with a glimmer in his eye and a smile so playful that I knew it wasn't a coincidence.

Three cigarettes later, the security guard asked us to line up against the wall because the band would be out shortly. I positioned myself at the end of the lineup, where I thought that they would be more relaxed and more willing to talk to me. I quickly shucked the gloves from my hands and put a couple breath mints in my mouth. I pulled my disposable camera from my coat pocket, anxious to catch my last moments of bliss on film.

Jim was first. He quietly smiled at me as I thanked him for another fabulous show. We talked about the upcoming Brothers Creeggan tour, and posed for a picture. Kevin gave me a big toothy sideways grin as the flash of the camera blinded us, and said that he would miss seeing me in the audience at the next few shows. Tyler half jokingly suggested that they put me to work on the road crew, since I had been at the last few shows anyway. Ed wrapped his arm around me, and with a big smile said that he expected to see a lot of me in the summer.

I glanced up the line and saw that Steve was just beginning to greet the fans. I had met him before and was fairly sure that he would remember me, seeing as how the other Ladies had. But this time was different. I wanted to see if our flirtations would last after the music had died.

I stepped back from the line, closed my eyes and took a deep breath.

"Oh! There you are! I was worried that you hadn't waited."

I opened my eyes and saw Steven standing before me, with that same playful smile on his lips. I immediately turned on all my sexiness and charm.

"No, I just figured you'd want to save the best for last" I cooed. "And it seems I did as well."

"Will I see you tomorrow night as well?" he asked hopefully, his eyes widening slightly.

"Unfortunately, no. I have to get back to work sometime, before they forget my name."

He laughed slightly as he shuffled his feet and looked down at them. It suddenly struck me that he was nervous. His shyness was endearing, but a bit frustrating. This was my opportunity to play back, and suddenly the landscape of the game had changed.

I noticed Steve quickly glance at the nearly dispersed crowd, at the busy crew, then at the busses, then up at me. He bit his bottom lip and said, "Wanna go grab some coffee?"

Game on. I followed him back into the arena and through a tunnel that lead to a small room with two couches and a table. He poured a cup of coffee, and the reached for a second mug. I put my hand on his and said, "I prefer tea".

With a shy smile he withdrew his hand and began stirring the contents of his mug. I sat on the couch across from him and we just looked at each other for a moment, feeling the electricity in the air. I watched him begin biting his lip again, and it was all I could do not to leap across the table and bite it for him. It wasn't time yet though… I wanted to draw it out more, making the eventual contact even sweeter.

I didn't have that chance. In one quiet but deliberate motion (and without breaking eye contact), he sat down on the couch next to me and hugged my jawline with his rugged hands. I could feel his slightly callused fingers on my neck as he softly parted his lips and kissed me.

I moaned slightly as he leaned into me, placing one hand in the middle of my back and laying me onto the arm of the couch. His left hand stayed firmly on my face as his right hand felt over the soft curves of my flesh and cupped my breast. He ran his thumb over my erect nipple as he parted his lips and gently slid his warm tongue into my mouth.

I ran my fingers through his still spiky hair and tugged. I had always wanted to do that. This time it was him that moaned. He looked at me with lust in his eyes and a grin dancing across his red swollen lips. "Oh, you want to play like that, eh?" he said in a teasing voice.

He grabbed a handful of my hair and jerked my head to the side, exposing my neck. It was the perfect blend of forcefulness and playfulness. I could feel his warm breath on my neck, and his lips just centimeters away. I closed my eyes and waited for his full luscious lips to ravage me.

I suddenly felt a pang of guilt. This man was married to someone else. More importantly, he was eventually going to get back on the bus, leaving me alone with my rumpled clothes and smudged lipstick. I didn't know how often he did this, and it more than bothered me to think that he was doing it at all. And I knew that as much as I wanted to feel his body next to mine, I didn't want to be just another piece of pussy that was left behind to watch the tail lights of the tour bus get farther away, taking my self respect along with it.

"What?" he asked hesitantly, as I realized that he was staring into my eyes with a concerned look.

"I… you're… we…" I stumbled for the words, wanting to make sure that I said something poignant, yet eloquent. "I really like you and respect you. I would never want to cause problems or invade your personal life. And so, as much as I want to, I don't think a one night stand is the right thing for either of us."

Steve sat back on his heels and sighed. "Thank you", he said quietly. "I'm sorry".

"Please, there is nothing to be sorry about" I said, as I reached up to wipe a tear from his cheek.

"Yes there is. I'm sorry that I tried to take advantage of you. I've never… done anything…like this." Now he was the one stumbling for words.

I sat up and put my arm around him as he put his elbows on his thighs and held his head. I slowly put my hand on his knee and turned closer to face him more. "Tell me what's bothering you. You'll feel better once you get it out."

He took a deep breath and looked right into my eyes, as if trying to search my brain. I must have passed the scan, because he suddenly said "It's Carolyn. We've been having problems for a while now, but it's escalated to the point that she won't even answer the phone when I call. She wants me to stay home and raise the kids… you know, get a real job. Get off the road. But I can't… this is my true home, and where my heart lies. If I couldn't get up on stage and sing my heart out every night, I just wouldn't be me. I would just wither up and die. I've been holding this in since the start of the tour… we had a huge fight right before I left, because she didn't want me to go. I'm too afraid to talk to any of the guys about it, y'know? I mean, I know they'd understand where I'm coming from and all, but I don't want to worry or scare them. I've never done anything like this. I'm so lonely. The lonleyness has just gotten to be overwhelming. I've never done anything like this. So when I saw this beautiful face in the audience…"

He smiled shyly at me again and continued. "And you are beautiful. I saw you a few nights in a row, and I saw how you watched me. I could just tell that you were caring and smart… and playful. You seemed like a perfect choice to spend some time with. I'm sorry… I've never done this. I was just craving a female touch…. I'm so sorry. I've never done anything like this."

"You mentioned that," I said with a giggle. "You have to follow your heart. You always have choices. Sometimes they might not be very good ones, but you always have them. If you won't be happy not performing… then don't stop. You have to do what makes you happy. Life is too short to do anything else. If Carolyn really cares about you, she'll support you in what-"

I was interrupted by a knock on the door. It opened slightly and Fin popped his head in. "There you-oh… I'm sorry. I didn't mean to interrupt. Steve, we gotta get on the road, man."

Steve looked at me with sad eyes, then looked at Fin and said, "I'll be right there."

As Fin closed the door, Steve looked at me and said "Are you SURE you have to go home? I mean… I really want to keep talking to you."

I quickly fished my cell phone out of my coat and dialed my boss. "I won't be in tomorrow," I said on her voice mail, "I have a friend who needs me. I'll call you later." I smiled at Steve as I hung up.

Choices. You always have them, and sometimes you have to live life outside the defaults. You will always have to live with the ones you make. I knew that Steve needed someone to listen to him, and to remind him that these choices were his to make.

His hand slid into mine as we walked to the bus. Fin gave him a quizzical look, but didn't say a word as we got onto the bus.

"Let's get this show on the road!" He said to the bus driver, and motioned for him to move out as he boarded the other bus.

"Steve, have you seen my blank-oh". Ed stopped mid-sentence when he saw me. He suddenly realized that he was wearing nothing but boxer shorts, and grinned slyly. "If you had been 10 seconds sooner, you would have seen the "barenaked" in Barenaked Ladies."

Steve burst out laughing, something that I think he really needed. "Gee… don't tempt me. Did you eat all the pizza? I'm starving." As he reached for the pizza box, Steve realized that Ed was probably wondering why the hell this girl was on the bus. He decided to play it cool. "Oh…You probably remember… this is a good friend of mine," he stopped to smile at me, and said "We didn't get to finish our talk earlier… so she's gonna ride with us to the next town."

"Cool. Just remember that the bunks squeak, so you're better off with the couch" Ed teased, not knowing just how close to reality his joke had been. "I'm off to sleep." He said goodnight as he turned out the light.

We ate pizza and talked all night. We flirted shamelessly again, comfortable with the knowledge that we could safely be ourselves without expectations. It's just who we were… we even joked with each other over how the evening had begun. We talked about movies, art, music, science… and philosophy. I think we both needed a night to be human again. To remember what the important things in life were. And to just be.

We fell asleep curled up together on the couch. He kissed my eyelids until I was awake, and softly kissed my lips as soon as I was awake. We were connected on a soul to soul level. I didn't need any words to know that he appreciated what I had done for him, and that this would not be the last all night talk.