It went like this:
I was onstage, checking Kevin's keyboards to make sure they were working properly and to make sure they sounded just right. (Kev could be such a primadonna when it came to being able to hear his own instruments.) I wasn't alone onstage, however. Ty was there, too. He was screwing around with his drumkit and being very annoying, as usual. Every time I tried to test the sound of the keyboards, Ty would drum really loud so that I couldn't hear. After the second time, I turned and scowled at him. He flashed me a grin, and when I went back to testing the keyboards, he started drumming again.
"Tyler, why are you being such an asswipe?" I growled.
"You've got a secret," he said.
"What do you mean?"
"You're hiding something. From Kevin."
"Who the hell died and made you my conscience?"
He flashed me another grin. "Tell me what you're hiding."
"Fuck off," I said.
"Aww c'mon! I wanna know what you're hiding from Kevin!"
"What part of ‘fuck off' don't you understand?"
He stood up and walked over toward me, still clutching his drumsticks. He stood behind me and wrapped his huge arms around my neck, pulling me against him.
"C'mon, baby," he cooed. "I'm curious."
The normal me would've kicked him in the nuts, but this me only squirmed slightly until Ty planted a kiss just below my ear.
"That was nice," I said. "But I'm still not talking."
"I bet I can make you talk," he said. Then he tickled me.
I started giggling, and he tickled me until I was writhing on the floor, out of breath and teary-eyed.
"I'm still not talking," I said with a smile as I lay on my back.
That's when it suddenly turned into a bad porn flick. Ty unbuttoned my pants and pulled them down to my ankles. He did the same with my panties. He looked at me and smiled, then he looked at the drumsticks in his hand. He slid both of them into my pussy. I let out a moan and arched my head back. He moved them in and out, and my back arched.
"Oh God... okay, I'll talk if you keep doing that," I said. "I... I had sex with Ed."
"Oh really?" said Ty.
"Yeah, he... oh God, don't stop... he fucked me in the ass."
"Tell you what, if you keep this a secret, I'll let you fuck me in the ass, too."
Ty pulled the drumsticks out of me and tossed them aside. He dropped his pants and rolled me over. I felt him spreading my asscheeks, and that's what caused me to wake up screaming.
I managed to not only scare the shit out of myself, but scare the shit out Kevin as well.
"What is it? What happened?" he asked as he jolted up out of a deep sleep.
"I had a bad dream," I said. "I think it was a sign."
"A sign about what?"
I was silent for a moment. "I have to tell you something, but you have to promise that you won't get mad."
"Uh oh," he said. "Okay, I'll try not get mad. What's wrong?"
"You know when I walked out earlier? After you told me you're in love with me? Well, I ran into Ed in the hallway, and he asked for a backrub, and, well, one thing led to another..." I sighed. "I had sex with Ed. Sort of. He fucked me in the ass, but we never finished because I called out your name by accident, and then I realized that I'm in love with you, too, Kevin." Silence. "Kevin?"
He stared at me with wide eyes, and then tears started to roll down his smooth, boyish cheeks. His bottom lip quivered, and then he bolted from the room before I even had a chance to react. Nice move, Anna. I looked out into the hall, but he was gone. As I slammed my head repeatedly against the doorframe, Fin approached me.
"Time to set up for the concert," he said. When he saw me hitting my
head, he added, "And if you keep doing that, it'll leave a mark."
I had no idea where Kevin went. When he didn't show up for soundcheck, I got worried, as did the others. Fin sent some crew members out to look for him and they didn't find him until a few minutes before the show was supposed to start. No one had time to ask questions, because they had to get him on the stage as soon as possible, but I could tell he was sloshed. He smelled like a liquor store and he seemed to have trouble standing up without leaning against his piano.
*Oh God*, I thought.
His piano playing wasn't up to par, and I think the others noticed it. Ed kept looking back at him with a weird expression on his face, and twice, I saw him mouth, "Kev, what the hell are you doing?" I could only stand backstage and watch. That is, until it was time for him to switch instruments.
They were almost at the end of "Old Apartment," and the next song was going to be "Wizard of Magic Land." The song ended and Ed started a banter about a sign someone in the crowd was holding up. They weren't supposed to break until after "Wizard," but I think Ed sensed that something was wrong and felt that maybe Kevin needed a break. While Ed and Steve were talking to the crowd, I brought Kevin his sparkly-blue accordion. I also pulled him away from his keyboards so that I could talk to him.
"I'm in the middle of a show," he growled. "Go away."
"Kevin, what's wrong with you? You're onstage and you're so trashed, your sweat is probably 80 proof. This isn't like you."
"Yeah, well, you'd do the same thing if someone ripped your heart out of your chest, stomped on it right in front of you, threw it in a wastebasket, then set the wastebasket on fire."
"I think you're being a little overdramatic," I said.
"I poured my heart out to you and what did you do? You went and fucked someone else! Why don't you just fuck the whole band? You can start with Steve, since I know how much you want to fuck him. I heard about your dream, you know."
"What? Who told you about that?"
"Your fuck buddy, Ed."
Bastard. "It was just a dream, Kevin. It doesn't mean anything. It's like watching porn while you sleep."
Kevin sneered at me and narrowed his eyes as he walked back to his keyboards. I followed him, still carrying his accordion. I felt like a walking sack of shit, and I was afraid to get too close to him. He rolled his eyes at me and sighed.
"Give me my fucking accordion!" he snarled as he wrenched it from my hands.
Kevin had been unaware that he'd been standing by his microphone, and so the entire audience heard that last sentence. It was the quietest it had ever been at a BNL show. Ed and Steve turned around with raised eyebrows. I was still frozen with shock from Kevin ripping the accordion away from me. Kevin stepped up to his microphone and looked at Ed and Steve.
"What the fuck are you looking at?" he snapped.
The show had hit a patch of black ice and was fishtailing toward the guardrail, but Ed steered it back on course with a bit of improv.
"Uh, let's give Kevin Hearn a hand for his impression of Tyler!" said the guitarist. The crowd cheered, buying into Ed's deception that it was all part of the show.
I managed to sneak offstage without attracting attention. I watched the performance of "Wizard," which went well until about halfway through. Steve was supposed to sing the "When you're brokenhearted" verse, but Kevin, who'd been stumbling around the stage and doing what he probably thought was dancing, stepped in front of Steve's mike and began belting out the verse.
Steve looked both flustered and pissed. He shoved a hand in Kevin's face and pushed him away while grabbing the mike from the stand. The audience, of course, thought it was just more BNL antics. I was afraid that Kevin would do something drastic, like take a swing at Steve, but he retreated back to his piano instead. He stumbled over his own feet and would have fallen right on top of his accordion had I not rushed out and grabbed him. He was heavy, but I managed to steady him. I didn't care if anyone saw me; I figured it was better that than having everyone see Kevin fall flat on his face and crush a very expensive accordion. He glared at me, but I ignored him.
A little while later, the show started to fishtail again, and this time, it burst into flames. Kevin was supposed to do his "Evil Empire" solo, but he made his own change to the setlist.
"This song is for the happy couples out there," he sneered. Then, he went into a version of The J. Geils Band's "Love Stinks."
I could see people in the crowd looking at each other and laughing, only they were laughing at him instead of with him. I wished I could go out and stop him, but that would only make things worse.I was relieved when his song finished, but my relief vanished quickly when I saw him sway back and forth, then smack his head on his piano as he crumpled to the floor.
I ran over to him and rolled him onto his back. He was out cold, but I couldn't tell if it was from the booze or from hitting his head on the piano. Kevin had a nasty gash on his forehead, and his blood was already oozing down to his nose. I looked up and saw Jim racing over to help, so I yelled for him to get me a towel. From my experience as a hockey player, I knew that head wounds often looked worse than they really were, so I wasn't as worried as one might normally be. Jim brought me a clean towel and I placed it on Kevin's forehead. The other Ladies had joined me by then, as had Fin. Fin had brought a bottle of water over, He used it to wet another towel and began washing Kevin's face with it.
"What happened?" Ed asked.
"He passed out," I said. "In case you haven't noticed, he's drunk off his ass."
"Ah, so that explains it," said Fin.
Just then, Kevin's eyes opened and he sat up. He looked at me, then he turned immediately to Ed.
"You--" he started, but his body suddenly lurched forward and he puked all over Ed's man-blouse.
"Aw, ferchrissakes!" Ed shouted as he jumped up. Kevin puked again, and got Ed's shoes this time. "Jee-zus!"
"Help me, Fin," I said as I hooked an arm under Kevin's left armpit.
Fin took Kevin's other arm, and together, we led poor Kevin back to the dressing room. He puked once more on the way there, so we took him immediately to the bathroom. I patted Kevin on the back while he continued emptying his stomach contents into the toilet. I looked up at Fin, and for the first time ever, he looked like he didn't know what to do.
"Go ahead and go back to the stage," I said. "I'll stay with him."
Fin nodded in agreement, and I was left alone with the nauseated keyboardist. I saw tears rolling down Kevin's eyes as he puked some more. I rested my cheek against the back of his neck and began stroking the top of his head.
"It's all right, baby," I said softly. "Everything's gonna be all right."